S3 Episode 1: Healthy Screen Habits for a Happy New Year // Julianna Lorenzen, Executive Director of Healthy Screen Habits

When we were trying to create a document that would help families go step-by-step [creating a tech plan]… we wanted to make it really easy.

-Julianna Lorenzen

Healthy Screen Habits Takeaway

Show Transcript

Hillary Wilkinson (00:02):

5, 4, 4, 3, 2, 1. Happy New Year!! Yay! It's the start of a new year here at health, these screen habits. And it seems like each turn of a new year leads us to feel kind of like compelled to evaluate our current behavior and see what tweaks might need to take place. Our habits we want might like to incorporate to live our best and healthiest lives. And all of this is what brought me to, today's topic and guest. So each of us at healthy screen habits has our own story to tell as to kind of what brought us to this arena. And today you get to hear why our Executive Director, Juliana Lorenzen felt compelled to be one of the founding members of Healthy Screen Habits. Prevention, immediate care, and rehabilitation of athletic injuries is Juliana's professional specialty as a certified athletic trainer and as the kind and caring person that I know she is determined to make a difference in the world by teaching prevention and care to those striving, to recover from in injuries that come when you don't have good screen habits. So besides being an amazing trainer and a mom of four Juliana is guaranteed to be the life of any party. Hence the New Year's celebration. She is the perfect person to kick off a new year with. And I can't wait to share her with you. Welcome to the podcast Julianna Lorenzen.

Julianna Lorenzen (01:47):

Thank you. I'm so excited to join the party.

Hillary Wilkinson (01:50):

<laugh> Of course you are! You're the life of the party. It's fun to have you here. So Julianna, when we started healthy screen habits, we all kind of shared this passion for educating and empowering family, but each of us kind of came by a different path. What was yours? Why did you feel drawn to helping other families become educated and empowered to create their healthiest screen habits?

Julianna Lorenzen (02:18):

Well, for me, it actually all sort of started from a conversation with our fellow cofounder, Amy Adams. She was doing a presentation for a local church group, um, that she was just kinda asked to share what we can do as parents to make sure our kids don't end up seeing stuff that we don't want them seeing. And it was a, you know, really small, isolated presentation she was asked to give. And, um, she was polling her friends that had kids that were a little bit older. And so she's like,”Hey Julianna, what do you guys do in your home?” And I, I was very confident in what we had set up and was happy to share with her. This is what we've got going on with my, um, you know, this, this teenager and this preteen. And, um, and I, I thought that I had it all dialed in <laugh> and then within a few days, it was very interesting how I became aware of things that were being seen on devices in our home that I had no idea could even be seen on that type of device.

Julianna Lorenzen (03:22):

So it was a really good wakeup call to me to realize that I wasn't doing as good of a job as I thought I was doing. And definitely not the kind of job that I wanted to be doing. And I thought that, you know, that was where I thought that I had it all going on and very quickly when I realized that I didn't, I thought to myself, I need to figure out what else I need to be doing and really dug into it and realized how challenging it was to find the best research out there, the best practices out there, and the best information about how to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish in my family. So, um, when we, you and I, and Amy and Jeanie, we've decided to take the information that we had found and make it more accessible to families through establishing healthy screen habits, the resource on our website and different presentations.

Julianna Lorenzen (04:22):

And it just kind of snowballed from there. We're gonna be talking about our family technology plan that we have as a free download on our website. And the thing I love about it is how it is a living document. And it's just like, I realized that what I was doing, wasn't working it's with everything we're doing with every stage of life, we're gonna realize we need to reevaluate what our plan is, right.

Hillary Wilkinson (05:08):

Ages and stages. Yeah.

Julianna Lorenzen (05:10):

Update it and adjust for the new challenges, the new, new things that are there.

Hillary Wilkinson (05:15):

The new apps and technology that comes up at us faster than we can make the rules that surrounded <laugh> in our family.

Julianna Lorenzen (05:25):

Right. So, right. That's kinda how I came to, came to be in this, in this fun adventure of healthy screen habits.

Hillary Wilkinson (05:32):

Excellent. Well, we have to take a quick break and when we come back, we are going to take a deep dive right into that family tech plan.

Ad Break

Hillary Wilkinson (05:52):

I'm speaking with Juliana Lorenzen Executive Director of Healthy Screen Habits now to kick off our new year with our healthiest screen habits, Juliana, I know you have a million tips and tricks up your sleeve, but the biggest one, I think that we feel passionate about sharing with our listeners and our followers is the healthy screen habits, family tech plan. The break we were talking about how it is kind of this living document. I refer to it as a conversational springboard that's that you can continually visit. 

Julianna Lorenzen (06:53):

Well, I'm excited to share it with you and with the world. Um, I've figure the more people who have this tool to be able to use with their family, the more people will, will be able to make intentional decisions with each other and, and work together to develop healthy screen habits in their family. 

Hillary Wilkinson (07:15):

It's broken down into several different steps and if you could just lead us through the steps, that would be great.

Julianna Lorenzen (07:22):

Okay. Let's, let's jump in. When we were trying to create a document that would help families go step by step into going from, oh, we don't know. We know we should do something, but we don't know what we should do. We, um, wanted to make it really easy. So step one is that first thing a family should do, and you're doing this together. You print this out, sit down together. And the first thing you do is step one, identify technology dangers that could affect your family. This is step one, because you can't know what you need to do unless you know why you need to do it. This step one is building awareness. You are preparing your family, preparing your children to know what the dangers are to avoid. And this, it becomes the "why" behind the family policies that you're gonna set up together. You know, are you concerned about wasting time? Are you concerned about your kids not getting the sleep that they need? Are you concerned about being disconnected from family members? Are you worried about pornography exposure or the fear of missing out on things that your kids would see on social media or, you know, negative body image, cyber bullying, identity theft, addiction, predators,

Hillary Wilkinson (08:37):

Whoa. You are like taking me down the rabbit hole here, lady <laugh>.

Julianna Lorenzen (08:41):

Every family, there may be different forms of those that are more or less of a concern, but -creating an awareness in your kids, that this is the reason why we're going to make some changes. We're gonna create some family policies that are, are going to help us be prepared to handle these things.

Hillary Wilkinson (09:03):

I think it's equally important to note that just this isn't a one way stream of, you know, fear, concern surrounding tech. I think as parents, it's very easy for us to spin down the rabbit hole, but it's equally important that we listen to our kids about what are their concerns about technology, because honestly, where we may be hanging up on content and predators and, uh, you know, all of the grown up worries. They honestly, when I have talked parents and a they've, you know, done a follow up call with the family tech plan, one of the biggest feedbacks that they've gotten from their children is the disconnection that they have felt. They, they miss their mom or they miss their parent, you know? They aren't getting any attention. Like when, if you're standing in a store line and looking at your phone, rather than talking about the, groceries around you, or the flowers on display.

Julianna Lorenzen (10:10):

Absolutely. It's not just us as parents who have concerns about screen use in our families. You're right. Our kids do also and giving them the opportunity to share what frustrations they have with our family's screen use. It may be hard to hear as parents, but yeah, they feel like we need to be putting down our phones and connecting more with them that maybe we come out and step one.

Hillary Wilkinson (10:32):

Right. And they'll have bigger buy-in to the Family Tech Plan if they've got their fingerprints on the blueprint of it. So that's another reason why it's important to include.

Julianna Lorenzen (10:43):

You know, the it's all about developing this plan together. So they do, it is something that we are doing together. We are creating together, we're revisiting together every six months or every year. It is something that is not the top down, but it is, uh, something we create together

Hillary Wilkinson (11:02):

So let's move into step two.

Julianna Lorenzen (11:04):

Okay. Step two says, determine what technology devices will be allowed in your home. How will you filter and limit each device? It's always interesting. When you take a look at how many devices in your home actually connect to the internet, how many of them are connecting to the outside world? How many are our portal for other, you know, influences to come into your home? And oftentimes there's a lot more than most people realize. A lot of times people don't realize that their TV connects to the internet or the, the PS four or the Xbox or the Switch, um, the Alexa or the, the Google home, the, um, pretty much, if it connects to the internet, you need to be aware of what can come in and what can go out and, and make.

Hillary Wilkinson (11:55):

So it's almost like a, like a tech treasure hunt to go on in your home.

Julianna Lorenzen (12:00):

Yes. Yes. And that's kind of a fun way to, um, to look at it that, okay, let's, let's figure out what I'll, I'll connects to the internet. And, um, and then the next step is then, okay. So all that we know, what does connect, how are we going to filter and limit each device? I gotta tell you, this is the step where a lot of people get hung up and not necessarily the step in this family technology plan, but the step in parenting technology in general, um, <laugh> the full disclosure here, a little, little window into Juliana and her struggle with technology and, and trying to, to put this plan into place ourselves. When I first got years ago, before healthy screen habits was born, I got a Disney circle to try out. And when you plug it in, it has a whole list of devices that pop up that show. These are, are connecting to your internet. And I gotta tell you, it was so overwhelming. I never finished setting it up <laugh> because I, I dunno what this device is. I don't know what that device is. And it wasn't until literally years later that I got the courage and the strength and the mental fortitude to go in and do that treasure hunt, like you called it and say, okay, this, um, Mac user number connects to this computer and this connects to the switch and this connects to the Alexa. Right.

Hillary Wilkinson (13:33):

But that being said, that is, that, does that withhold for every device, every filtering monitoring device? Or is, is that how they're all set up or is that just how the Circle is set up?

Julianna Lorenzen (13:46):

Um, very good question it. And, um, it goes along with, with the step two in general, when you're deciding how to filter and limit each device, there's different ways to do that. And there's the biggest, highest level is a router for your home. And, um, that would filter anything that connects the internet through that router. And so the Circle is one example of a router that would, would do that. And the Gryphon router is another one. Um, Bark home is a third or your own in your own. Um, internet providers routers also have some controls. Um, but yes, so that is something that it may seem overwhelming, but it's totally worth it because in that one device you're able to filter and limit each of the devices that connect.

Hillary Wilkinson (14:42):

Okay. So if our listeners are interested in finding any of these devices, where can they look?

Julianna Lorenzen (14:49):

So my favorite is the Gryphon router. And, um, on our website, we have a link to where you can, can connect to the Gryphon's website and you can, can, um, get that <laugh>. And I highly recommend it. During COVID when I had four kids doing school from home, I was able to customize what each child was able to access.

Hillary Wilkinson (15:22):

By device.

Julianna Lorenzen (15:24):

Yes. By device mm-hmm <affirmative>. And by you can, you can assign each device to which your person uses that mm-hmm <affirmative>, and then you can have rules for each person. So for example, any, um, device that was assigned to my nine year old, I was able to block out YouTube completely because during COVID school, it was really hard to not be distracted by YouTube. Sure. So, um, I can do that. And then, so it's, it's worth the effort and, um, so that will filter and limit at the whole home level. And then you also, you know, there's, there's another level where you're filtering and limiting on each device. Mm-hmm <affirmative>. And so an example of that would be, um, in our real life, you know, if you've got an Android device, like my oldest son had, we used Google Family Link to filter and limit that.

Hillary Wilkinson (16:22):

And this is because you're an Android family, or because you're a mixed use Mac and Android.

Julianna Lorenzen (16:28):

Um, just because that was what worked best for the droid. Okay. Like my daughter has an iPhone with certain limits and controls on it using the Screen Time function. So we just looked at what are like the step two says, determine what devices are gonna be allowed and then determine how you're gonna filter limit each device. Okay. So for my Android son, it was Google Family Link, my Apple daughter, it was Screen Time limits. And for the whole house, it was the Gryphon.

Hillary Wilkinson (17:01):

Lots, lots of different options. And it is, it's one of those things that I think it's important that families recognize this is not a one size fits all solution. It is a one fits one. So you can look at what you know will be your realistic capabilities and what you're going to be able to uphold in doing that. And maybe it changes as your kids get older. You might not need all of this when you've got littles, but then as they get bigger, you might want to kind of reign in the edges a bit. Okay. So step three, what are we looking at?

Julianna Lorenzen (17:39):

Step three is create tech free places for your family. So with tech free places, what we're talking about are what parts of the home are going to be no go zones for devices. And, um, this is gonna be different for everybody. We don't. At Healthy Screen Habits it’s you decide for your family, what works best for you.

Hillary Wilkinson (18:03):

I agree with that, but we do have one area where we are an absolute <laugh>

Julianna Lorenzen (18:09):

Is what I was about to say. Whether whatever else you decide out there in podcast land, please, I urge you urge you urge you start now, whatever age your kids are, make bedrooms a “no go” zone for devices, no screens in the bedrooms at all. Please, please, please. If there's one thing you can do as a parent <laugh> you will save yourself so much heartache. You will save your children so much heartache. Um, if you've heard us give a presentation, you've probably heard about the six S’s, which are the reason why we are passionate about no devices in bedrooms.

Hillary Wilkinson (18:49):

In fact, in episode one of season one, Amy Adams, who is also one of the co-founders of the healthy screen habits did, uh, our first podcast was on the four SS. She's expanded that to include two more, which are two more reasons why to keep phones out of the bedroom.

Julianna Lorenzen (19:08):

For our family. We decided a no go zone is of course no bedrooms. We also have no phones in the bathrooms and just try to make sure that those are respected and there's set consequences that if those are violated, then they know that this is what the policy is, and this is the consequence. And just try to reinforce it that way.

And we try to make sure they understand the reason why, so mm-hmm, <affirmative> mm-hmm <affirmative> you get that? Why you get the buy-in and you're, you're training them for later on in life that it's not just, this is because I'm a mean, mom, I'm making you do this, but it's because it's benefit for this reason and this reason and this reason,

Hillary Wilkinson (20:11):

Right? So step four:

Julianna Lorenzen (20:15):

All right. Step four. And sometimes this can be confused with step three, but they are two distinct things. Step four is to determine tech free times. Um, you know, what are times in your family where you're not going to be on screen? So that way you're able to really connect with each other. Um, some examples might be at meal times mm-hmm <affirmative> and, um, and the reason why this isn't a tech free place is because meals may take place in different places, right? We just have a family policy that when we are having a meal together, we're not gonna have our devices out. We're going to use that time to really connect with one another. I've heard some other families that have a, a policy of at sporting events when you're at your children's games, other than taking it out to take a picture, keep that device away.

Julianna Lorenzen (21:03):

So then that way, when they look back to you to see whether you're watching, whether you're you're really present, they see your eyes there and it validates them as a person. So that's another example, perhaps a tech free time where you might want to not have devices be part of your family's culture. Right? Um, the second half of step four is a device curfew that, you know, another time when we don't wanna have devices in our <laugh> existence is when we should be sleeping. And so what time pick a time that your family will have all devices turned into a centralized charging location, preferably in the master bedroom or the master bathroom where it can't be snuck in the middle of the night, um, by good children, but who have non fully formed prefrontal cortexes.

Hillary Wilkinson (21:58):

Exactly. No, we have to, uh, recognize, recognize what we're working with. <laugh> okay. How, how about step, step five of the family tech plan?

Julianna Lorenzen (22:10):

Step five is to determine which apps will be allowed on your kids' phones and time limits for each type of app. So this is going to, to encompass, you know, age appropriate, you know, at, at what age are you going to have any apps at all? Um, you know, I love the gabb phone because you start off with just calling and texting and you don't have any other apps now, as they get older, perhaps you want them to have some productivity apps. You want something that will help them to develop healthy habits in other areas of their life, with scheduling things. And, um, anyway, so later on, as they get older, there may be additional apps that you want, want them to have, so determine what will be available and how long they'll be able to have that per day.

Hillary Wilkinson (22:54):

Right? I like that example of you start them with, you know, a small amount within, boundaries. And then you kind of start creating an expansive zone that they can work within, within their tech, because ultimately our children are going to leave the nest. And when they do, we want them to be able to have those skills, to continue to make the healthy habits that have been put into place with us. If we just keep everything so tight and buckled down often, there's this massive act of rebellion, you know, as soon as they're, as soon as they're given free reign. So you wanna continually just expand those, those boundaries.

Julianna Lorenzen (23:42):

Absolutely. The whole idea is that you're trying to help them be able to

self-regulate and be the boss of themselves in their screen habits. And so yes, that you should be gradually expanding as they are able to, to self-regulate.

Hillary Wilkinson (24:00):

Yeah. So you wanna go ahead and take us into step six?

Julianna Lorenzen (24:03):

Yes. Steps six is another challenging step for parents. Um, but it's there because it is vital. And that is to monitor device activity and talk frequently with your kids about technology. This is where you are intentionally deciding how often you're going to be monitoring devices to ensure that your filters are working correctly. Um, also decide how often you're going to monitor messages within your children's apps or text messages to be able to offer constructive guidelines. Your relationship with your child is the most important tool in developing healthy screen habits. So we wanted to make sure it was an intentional step where you were gonna be deciding and acknowledging that that was a key part of your family's plan. So, you know, what are your, how often are you gonna monitor and, and, and make a plan for those frequent tech talks? How, I mean, take advantage of every opportunity to discuss some thing, but maybe like each week there's something that you're gonna focus on or each month, or right. Just that consciousness of, of I'm going to always be always be talking. My kids will tell you, I'm always, mom's always talking about screen stuff, but

Hillary Wilkinson (25:21):

Right. But I think it's important because we have to recognize that this is a one and done conversation.  If we compare it to hydration, it's not, you can't drink a gallon of water on Wednesday and think you're gonna be fine. Come Saturday. You have to take lots of little sips all throughout the day here. I'm telling that to the athletic trainer. Like <laugh>, that's, I'm just trying I'm to speak her language <laugh> but hydrate, hydrate, hydrate, exactly. Hydrate or die-drate. That's <laugh>

Julianna Lorenzen (25:55):

No heat exhaustion on my watch. Uh, exactly. Um, but you know, and another thing too, that I think that I didn't know, as a parent starting out, trying to navigate this, is it a lot of times the filters that you set up into place somehow magically get turned off? 

Hillary Wilkinson (26:16):

Well, when an update occurs, a lot of the filters reset and that caught me unaware. I can assure you.

Julianna Lorenzen (26:27):

So, you know, in step six it's to set a time that you are regularly gonna make sure that nothing fell through the cracks, you know, go in that once a month, I'll, uh, check and make sure that screen time limits are still set up the way they're supposed to be, or that my router is working correctly.

Hillary Wilkinson (26:44):

So how do you do that? Do you set it up, like, as a reminder on your phone, like, how do you do, do you just know, oh, it's the first of the month? Or like, how do, how do you, I'm always looking for tips on how to organize my life because, you know, I need as much help as I can get.

Julianna Lorenzen (26:59):

A recurring event on Google calendar is a great way to do it. Okay. I know that, um, some people have regular monthly, like the first Sunday of every month, they have a check in with each kid. Um, you know, that it can be whatever works for you, but just figure, you know, yourself better than anything pick what's gonna work for you and put things into place to make sure that you're in my of that. Right.

Hillary Wilkinson (27:24):

And so this is like one of those examples where you can actually use tech to help you maintain that Healthy Screen Habit of checking. You know, so this is an example, I think of number seven, which is,

Julianna Lorenzen (27:38):

Oh, smooth transition there Hillary! <laugh> Step seven is to use technology for good. And you're exactly right. Our technology should be a tool in so many ways. It can help us be more productive. It can help us do good in the world. And the whole idea is teaching our kids to make sure that that is the way it function in their life. So, um, step seven is a chance to discuss how we will let technology be a good a force for good in our lives, both for the kids and for us as adults and as a family in general. Can I give you a fun example of this one? Of course. Okay. So I have a passion for helping refugees and, um, I had a dear friend in fifth grade who was a refugee from Afghanistan.

Julianna Lorenzen (28:30):

And so with all of that, the refugees from Afghanistan now, we, I was looking for a way to help and found this woman who is helping resettle refugees. And I was asking her what she needed. And she gave me a list of what she needed. I was able to use technology for good, by creating an Amazon wishlist where somebody can click on one link, they can order something and send it directly to her and she can take it directly to the families. So the technology can make things so much better in the world. 

Hillary Wilkinson (29:03):

Right and it was, it was a, a thing that was so eye opening to, um, recognize what people needed when they were coming through as refugees and continue to need. Um, Julianna, is that link still open? It is. And I, okay. We will link that in our show notes. Okay. In case anybody wants to, because the items that are on there honestly are, are heart wrenching. It's things like diapers, like pressure cookers, um, Insta pots, et cetera, because that's the type of food prep that they're used to cooking with. And from a mom to a mom, I think it just, it hits different. It really does. So yeah, no, Julianna, you make our world good in so many ways. 

Julianna Lorenzen (29:55):

Thank you for linking to that, that, that easy way to do good using technology. So

Hillary Wilkinson (30:00):

For sure, for sure. Okay. We're gonna take a short break. And when we come back, I'm going to ask Juliana for her healthy screen habit

Hillary Wilkinson:

I’m talking with Julian Lorenzen, my good friend and colleague at Healthy Screen Habits. Juliana, as you well know, on every episode of the Healthy Screen Habits Podcast, I ask for a healthy screen habit that our listeners can put into place in their own home. Do you have one?

Julianna Lorenzen (32:41):

I do. And here is mine:   Too often, I hear parents express one of two sentiments, either one they'll ask what app can I use to spy on my kids so I know what they're up to? Or two, they say, I respect my kids' privacy. I'm not gonna be like reading their phone. So I think a healthy strain habit and policy to have when parenting tech is something wholly different than either of those two extremes. I parented so far, you know, three very different teens. My little, guy's not a teen yet, but, um, I parented three very different teens through learning to use tech wisely. And when it comes to the privacy question, I found that how I approach monitoring their devices makes all the difference.  Time and again, I found that they needed to know that my monitoring looking at texts or internet history was not because I was being nosy or trying to catch them doing something wrong.

Julianna Lorenzen (33:33):

But because it allowed me to know what the areas were in which they still needed mentoring and guidance. I shared with them that as a parent, I have a responsibility to teach and to guide them. And just like when they're learning to drive, I have to be in the front seat of the car to help point out certain potential dangers. They might not notice on their own, or I have to be there to reinforce the good driving habits that they're learning. I have to be in the front seat for their tech use also. And so it was, I wanted them to know that I monitor so that I can mentor and that shift in thinking about the reason behind my monitoring, their devices contributed to, to better attitudes about it. And it's helped me preserve and improve our parent teen relationship. So my healthy screen habit is to be honest with your kids about your monitoring plans and make sure they know it so that you can be a more effective mentor for them. 

Hillary Wilkinson (34:27):

I love that. Not creating “gotcha moments”, but creating connection.

Julianna Lorenzen (34:32):

Absolutely. Yeah. The reason why for it and they won't feel so violated. <laugh> right.

Hillary Wilkinson (34:38):

So if you'd like to find out more about the family tech plan, which is a free downloadable tool offered on our website, please visit us @healthyscreenhabits.org. I will link the Amazon list. That's titled Support For Afghan Refugee Families in our show notes in case anybody wants to further explore that as well in using their own tech for good and Julianna. Thank you so much for being here today. Friend, happy New Year!!

Julianna Lorenzen (36:55) Happy new year. So glad to get the new year started off with helping families out there, develop their own family technology plan. Thanks for having me.