Healthy Screen Habits Takeaway

For more info: Jessica's website

The Phone Book: Stay Safe, Be Smart and Make the World Better With the Powerful Device In Your Hand: Amazon link

This season we're taking a look at Healthy Screen Habits heroes. These are the people who are making a difference in the everyday lives of people like you and me. Now, heroes have superpowers that are as diverse as they come. If I had to label a superpower for my guest today, it would be the kind of the art of connecting through writing. Jessica Spear is the author of books for kids and Teens and her latest book, The Phone Book. Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better With the Powerful Device in Your Hand is just the latest in her books that helps tweens and teens become their best selves. So I love the phone book because it frames the reader as the hero, and it seems like it's sort of a handbook on how to navigate tech. And I love even the intro states through real stories, weird facts and techie tidbits. This book reveals the power of your phone as well as your superpower to slay the dark side of technology that cracked me up, . So I'm so happy to welcome today the author of this amazing resource, Jessica Spear.

Jessica Speer: (02:22)

Hey Hillary. So great to be here. Thank you so much for having me.

Hillary Wilkinson: (02:27)

So, Jessica, you have a master's in social sciences and you're clearly invested in this very specific time of kind of like adolescents, which honestly it's this time of development that a lot of adults find uncomfortable or they tend to shy away from when you talk about middle school age or something like that. But you seem to have like really honed in on this age. And what is it that you love about this age group?

Jessica Speer: (03:03)

Oh man, so many things. I'm glad you asked and that's why I write books for this group because, you know, let's think back to these years. So these are those messy middle years where we are shifting from being kids to, you know, growing into adults. So of course it's messy, you know, of course it's awkward and, and you use the word uncomfortable. And I love that because that's one thing I think I've learned in my journey as a writer, as a mom, as a social scientist, is just to get comfortable with that discomfort. Because of course it's gonna be uncomfortable. They're making this huge transition, you know, from one phase of life to the other. So I love it because all these changes are going on, you know, in their bodies, in their brains. It's a time of tremendous brain growth, especially in the middle school years.

Jessica Speer: (03:51)

And for the first time in their lives, you know, preteens and teens are starting to really deeply look at who they are, you know, like what is their identity? What do they care about? Who are their friends? What are they interested in? So all of that makes it actually really cool. So I, that's why I like to write for this group because there's a lot going on and, you know, so we as adults can, can support them as they're kind of navigating this, this often bumpy but really important phase of life.

Hillary Wilkinson: (04:21)

You used that word transition, and I think, I think your book captures this like transitional period really well, because you combine all of these games and decoding activities and fun tidbits, but interspersed with a lot of science and a lot of very, you know, hard facts. So I think like that, that marriage of those two things exactly describes the, the person you were just describing, you know, that kind of in-betweener there. 

Jessica Speer: (04:57)

Yeah, 'cause sometimes they're a kid and sometimes they are not a kid. And so I definitely needed to include all that fun stuff to make, make the book fun. And also because I'm competing with technology, which is really fun, you know? So, so I had to think about all those things, you know, how can I make a book about cell phones that kids actually want to read? Yeah. So, so that, you know, therein lies my approach is to just to make it as engaging and humorous and fun as possible, but with some really good facts. 'cause kids are smart and I find that when we put, you know, good information in their hands, they make different choices. So that's what I wanted to do.

Hillary Wilkinson: (05:33)

You've done so much work with this specific age group. What made you want to create specifically a book about cell phones?

Jessica Speer: (05:49)

Well, it, this, even though, you know, this has been happening for a while, I do feel like this transition of all of us, you know, letting a lot of our lives play out online has happened actually rather quickly in the last, you know, really since 2007, I would say. And the fact that it's moved so quickly into how childhood unfolds. So, um, I feel like I wanted to do this 'cause we don't have a lot of hands on, you know, super practical resources in place to guide kids and families. And, and I always like to write and speak directly to the kids 'cause like what I said before, I feel like they're so smart. Um, so I, that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to fill what I feel like is a gap in some really straightforward tips and tools as to how to navigate these devices in healthy and safe ways. So, so I was really clear in my intention there. Um, and that definitely guided the, the, the content of the book.

Hillary Wilkinson: (06:44)

Mm. Great. So it seems like of all the conversations that families are having right now, phones and issues around devices are creating enormous points of friction. And I am just wondering, do you have an idea as to what you would say that we as parents are kind of like missing on the phone front?

Jessica Speer: (07:11)

Yeah, well, I think, and, and I have two teens now too. So as I was writing this, they were pre-teens and early teens, but now they're both, you know, 15 and 17. So I feel like as parents, and myself included, sometimes, we assume a lot of the things they're doing on their phone is not important. Um, but these tools, there's a lot of important stuff going on. You know, kids are often, they might be checking their grades, they might be having some communications that's really important with friends, you know, they're doing day-to-day, really important stuff. Now that's of course interspersed with, scrolling, TikTok and all these other things, you know, which, which are important in different ways. But I think sometimes we as parents, when we see our kids or teens staring at their screens for long periods, we make the assumption that they're wasting their time. But so many of their day-to-day tasks and tools are now on their phones. You know, for instance, even hearing from clubs at school or checking homework assignments, so much is happening on that little device that, you know, that helps, explains why they are staring at it so much. So let's not, as parents assume that what they're doing is just wasting time. Some of it is really important daily life stuff that they're trying to stay on top of.

Hillary Wilkinson: (08:26)

Excellent. Yeah. Just like us, right? We're

Hillary Wilkinson: (08:28)

Keeping grocery lists to doctor's appointments, to everything else in this little device. So next we're gonna talk about all of the amazing topics and tidbits and even the fun trivia that are between the covers of the phone book. But first we have to take a break. 

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Hillary Wilkinson:

I'm speaking with Jessica Speer, the highly acclaimed author of books for kids and teens. She is known for writing books that unpack tricky stuff. These are the kind of things that surface around childhood and adolescence. And her latest book, The Phone Book sets up kids for success when getting their first phone or a social media account. And this book is written for kids, like I said earlier, it has really very fun interactive pages. It's like, it's kind of like one part, um, anecdote, one part science based facts. And then it's got some like, work booky quizzes, code breaking, trivia type stuff. So I'm just trying to give people a good, um, picture of what this, what this whole book is, because it's a lot of fun. And one of the things, Jessica, that you get into right off the bat that I appreciate is self-safety. And on page 21, you include a health and safe habits checklist. What made you kind of open with this?

Jessica Speer: (11:14)

Yes. Yes. And so every chapter ha at the end of it, you know, after we talk about whatever we're talking about, whether it's, you know, Stranger Danger or FOMO or social media, every chapter at the end does have a safe and healthy checklist. Just to kind of bring it all back to like, how can we bring this to play in our lives on our phone? So, so the one, I'll read a few examples from this one. That's the end of chapter one. So chapter one is why tech companies want you staring at your screen. 'cause I thought, of course I have to start there, right? That's the foundation for all of this, right? That we all are having to deal with these, these devices that are so beautifully and precisely designed that they're, you can keep us coming back to them all the time.

Jessica Speer: (11:57)

So, so that's chapter one. So this is the Safe and healthy checklist after we've talked about why tech companies want us staring at our screen. So one, avoid mindless screen time. During screen time. Ask yourself, am I enjoying this? Is this what I wanna be doing right now? Two, check privacy settings. Check your phone settings for options such as do not share my data as laws and rules change, more privacy options may become available. Delete old apps, delete apps you no longer use. So your phone will stop updating and collecting them. Four: set limits, set daily screen limits so you have time to do other activities you enjoy. Um, so those are just a few. Um, so, and, and what I did here also when I was researching this book is kids are also getting more savvy. Um, 'cause we're talking more about it, you know, thank you parents. So they're actually starting to realize the need to set some limits too, you know, so I, so this Yeah, the do do you find that too, Hillary?

Hillary Wilkinson: (12:59)

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. No, I do workshops in high schools and I couldn't agree with you more where, uh, more and more what I find is kids, they, they know about this thing called app limits or, they know about these tools, but they want to know where do I find those, how do I get those, you know, I mean, nevermind the fact that you can YouTube anything or you can Google anything and it'll take you right there. But I think when you're right in front of them, and a lot of them also, um, are very interested in having just some quick, you know, how do I enforce a a a screen, you know, just a dial back on me wanting to look at it. Like, I encourage they go to gray scale for a 24 hour period, just see what it's like.

Hillary Wilkinson: (13:48)

You know, take away the color out of, out of the screen. All of a sudden those social media feeds become far less interesting. Yes. And it's, um, and it's fun. 'cause I'll do, I'll issue like a 24 hour challenge and then come back the next day and we all kind of check in and I always tell them, “I don't ask you to do anything that I wouldn't do.” So I have to go on gray scale for that 24 hour as well. And I'm like, “Ugh! let's get rid of this! You know?”I think we can learn a lot from them as far as the, what they're looking for. And it's, it's becoming better to have just more of a conversation about it. Yes. Rather than this kind of top down talk 

Jessica Speer: (14:44)

For sure. Yes.

Hillary Wilkinson: (14:45)

I think your book does that really well, you know? Oh, well,

Jessica Speer: (14:52)

Thank you. Yeah. And as families, we can just keep sharing tips back and forth, you know, like just even me discovering, oh, I can actually turn some of these privacy settings off and, and you know, turn off what, you know, ads are collecting on me. So, and then sharing that with my kids. So, so we have kind of, we just keep talking about this as a family so that we all get better at this. 'cause it is, it's hard to keep up and, and things are changing all the time too. You know, every time there's an update, there might be a change to some of these settings.

Hillary Wilkinson: (15:20)

Yes, exactly. And yeah, no, I think lots of little conversations are the key . So, and I think kind of the one message that gets hammered into kids' brains from the time that they can log on is the old, your digital footprint lives forever lesson , that gets said again and again to the point where they're like, we know, we know you. And I think, um, kids sometimes have a hard time of when they're younger, bringing this to real world application. And I really like how you have this great way of illustrating what a collective view of photos online does to build a story about someone in an exercise that you call, you be the judge. And just so our listeners know, it puts the reader in the seat of being an employer of an ice cream shop and having to select who it is that they would hire based upon the three pictures shown of each individual. And so, knowing what you know about this specific time in development, what is it about kids at this age that fuels this type of self-based learning, rather than, like I said, I find it so much more effective for them to do this exploration rather than to have this top down didactic management type stuff. So what is it that fuels this self-based learning?

Jessica Speer: (16:53)

Yeah, great question. And so, so this time of life, so when we're talking, you know, from the preteens all the way through the teens, this process where kids are really individuating from their parents speeds up, you know, so, so their, you know, their whole lives, they're starting to individuate and figure themselves out so they can, you know, fly from our nest that really ramps up. And we feel that as parents, you know, when once they get to these preteen years, we can feel that space that they are trying to create. And they do want to learn and do things on their own. They wanna make more choices, you know, they wanna build their own confidence in, in and problem solving skills. So that's why Yeah. This is, it's, it's, it happens to be the time now that they're all getting phones too, when we actually really do want to talk to 'em about all this stuff.

Jessica Speer: (17:40)

But it's the time where they do wanna do things on their own. So, so yeah, we parents have to just make sure we're connecting 'em with the resources so they can learn a lot of these skills on their own, you know, in, in a way that works for them, you know? So, so I'm not advocating like to totally pull back, you know, I do think those ongoing conversations are super important, but when they are picking up information that's not coming directly from us, they're gonna listen a little more. In fact, one of the tricks I found with my kids is, um, sometimes when, when they were younger, even pulling in an older teen, and that older teen telling them some experiences was so much more impactful than me sharing mine. 'cause again, they're trying to pull away from me. They're trying to figure out who they are on their own, who are they outside of our family group. So, yeah, we need to think about it as parents. How can we support them during this really important phase of individuation?

Hillary Wilkinson: (18:37)

Yeah, I agree. And one of the things that I love about this time in development is they're very, uh, connected and they're very empathetic towards animals and younger children, it seems like. So my particular recommendation would be for somebody who might be considering purchasing this book and thinking, gosh, I really want my kid to read this, but I know they're never gonna read a book that I say, “You should read this!” You know, but maybe if you approach it as, Hey, I heard about this book. I was wondering if you could read it and give me some feedback for ……, and have another child in mind. I mean, I would clear it ob obviously if you have like a cousin or a younger one somewhere and then that your child can kind of serve as like, you know, oh, the expert voice, the subject matter expert in that, and you're putting them in a place of power. You're also getting them to get through the content, which is your objective.

Jessica Speer: (19:47)

I love that idea. I love that is a great idea. Hillary. They can be like, you can say, “Hey, tell me if this is a really good fit for your little cousin, Timmy, you know, who's just getting their phone. Do you feel like what, you know, tell me if this book is real and hits on the good topics that they should know.” That's a great idea. Right?

Hillary Wilkinson: (20:04)

Right. Yeah. And then it kind of enlists them and it also kind of flips that mindset into coming from a different place of, rather than feeling hounded of like, ugh, I'm being told what to do to, what kind of advice do I have to give?

Jessica Speer: (20:21)

Yes. You know, because

Hillary Wilkinson: (20:22)

They have so much, I mean, they've grown up in this, they're swimming in this water continually. So, um, yeah. So, one of the things that I really like also is trivia of all sorts, . So I found, I, I read this fact in your book, I hope you don't care that I'm going to, uh, blow this, but it, one of them was 26% of phones are damaged by falling in toilets! That's so gross. 

Jessica Speer: (20:54)

I know. I, so I, I found this little nugget of, of, you know, tidbit as I was going to my phone store. 'cause that's, something was wrong with my phone. And, and the guy behind the counter is like, I actually think I did drop mine in water. And he sha he like, did you know most people or so many people drop their phone in the toilet? I thought, no. So then of course I researched that. I'm like, it's true. You know, you could see how this could easily happen. It's in your pocket and drops right in the toilet. So, so yeah. That was one of those fun little nuggets that I discovered in my research. And that makes perfect sense. Of course, they fall in the toilet quite often. Yeah.

Hillary Wilkinson: (21:28)

Yeah. It's funny. So one of our five core habits is keeping phones out of bedrooms and bathrooms. . So this, this, I, I think I glommed onto it 'cause I'm like, oh, this lends like, you know, fuel to our claim of like, this is why phones don't belong in bathrooms. They get damaged there. 

Jessica Speer: (21:45)

I love that. I shoulda add that. I, I always talk about outta bedrooms, but I'm adding outta bathrooms. Of course. 

Hillary Wilkinson: (21:50)

Yes. . So do you have a favorite bit of, uh, weird phone trivia?

Jessica Speer: (21:57)

This one I love 'cause I, it kind of blows kids' minds. Okay. So this is a weird fact from the book. In Taiwan, parents can be fined 1600 US dollars if their kids spend too much time on screens. Taiwan Taiwanese lawmakers approved the Youth and Child Welfare and Protection Act, a law modeled after similar laws in China and South Korea that aim to limit screen time to healthy levels. But I love that because it shows just You know, all countries are trying to figure out ways to keep our screen use healthy. So I love that because that I don't just opens kids' eyes to, oh, okay, it's not just my parents . This is, this is something the whole world is trying to navigate. Yeah.

Hillary Wilkinson: (22:44)

And amazing that they're establishing monetary fines for it.

Jessica Speer: (22:49)

I know. Yeah.

Hillary Wilkinson: (22:50)

Yeah. Talk about tracking data whole

Jessica Speer: (22:52)

. I know, I know. That would never fly, that would fly in this country, but it's an interesting approach, .

Hillary Wilkinson: (22:58)

Yes. Yes. So one of the things that, uh, you bring up about social media is the ability for kids to use it for good. Why is it important that they know this?

Jessica Speer: (23:17)

Well, I think into my research, just seeing some of the real negative ways that it can be used. Um, and so I wanted to see if I could change the paradigm there. And if we start thinking about social media as a way to change the world for the better in small and even tiny ways. Yeah. Little tiny ways. There's some anecdotes in the book about how just, you know, sending out really positive methods or shout outs to people. You know, just using it as a way to make this very crazy, stressful world a little bit better. It would, it really changed things, you know? 'cause so much of our communications are online now. So, so you just, I, I talk to my kids and I talk in the book about what can we do just to use this as a force for good? You know, let's, let's keep thinking about that. What can we do to, to to share kindness, to advocate for really important, you know, positive things, you know, to communicate with our peers, but, you know, in positive ways. You know, 'cause it, it can quickly go south. And we've seen that. We've all seen that in life and around the world, how things can really go south. Um, but, you know, we play a role in making sure that we are using this really powerful tool to try to create more goodness in the world.

Hillary Wilkinson: (24:29)

Yeah. And that, I mean, really holds hands with, there's a researcher by the name of Sarah Coyne out of B Y U. I remember this episode because her healthy screen habit was interact more with social media, which is kind of counterintuitive to what you would think somebody would come. But she said in her research, she found that people who spend more time on social media consuming tend to leave the platforms with a diminished mental, you know, like happiness state, I should say. You know, and whereas if they, if they're looking for the good online one, the algorithms will continue to feed you that good stuff, you know? And two, you get a little dopamine hit or a serotonin boost by finding, like doing the, uh, the friend shout outs or the, the positive comments. So if I go on social media, I kind of say, find like three things I'm gonna compliment, you know, and it does it, it helps I think it's important knowing the data that we do with teenage girls and the comparison and all of that, if we can teach them okay. You know, limit your time and look for the good, I think that's much healthier.

Jessica Speer: (26:19)

. Yeah. And it could be simple. It could be so simple. I remember one, one year just before Valentine's Day, you know, I decided, okay, I'm gonna send my closest loved ones, you know, the days leading up some really just simple positive texts. And that one gesture, I got so much feedback, like how meaningful that was. I think ITT take me, but five minutes a day, you know, for a few days before Valentine's. So, so it could be little, it could be just little things that we can do.

Hillary Wilkinson: (26:45)

Yeah. Yeah. Very neat. I love that idea. Okay, so, uh, continuing along the thought of, uh, social media. One of the things you taught me in this book was a technique used by cyber stalkers and how they will sometimes gain entry into a friend group or school by sending friend requests to a bunch of kids from a single city or school. And you point out that the cyber stalker knows that even if only one person in that group friends them, that's the, the admittance, they kind of gain entry through that of like, oh, they're friends with so-and-so. So can you talk about that a little bit more about teaching the importance of who you accept as friends?

Jessica Speer: (28:02)

Yes. To

Hillary Wilkinson: (28:03)

Follow.

Jessica Speer: (28:03)

Yes. and especially, you know, as kids are starting out, you know, so, so hopefully as they're starting out, um, and if they're on social media, it's, those accounts are private, you know, so they have to approve those requests. But, um, because this age group, they are looking for this validation from peers. And one of the ways we get validation from peers is the number of followers. You know? So, so that actually becomes a meaningful number, um, to pre-teens as well as teens. The downside of that is, you know, there, there's going to be some kids and teens that accept a lot of, you know, followers from strangers. And so, and then they're, as you, as you mentioned, that opens the door. So as soon as you get a friend request by somebody that has that, that you know, they're connecting already with through your friends, you think, oh, this person might be okay.

Jessica Speer: (28:50)

So, so, so we as parents have to talk about just, just looking out for that to realizing that, you know, do you really want to be, to have people you don't know at all, you know, seeing your posts and you know, just knowing personal information about you. So, so this is a tough one. 'cause it's going against their desire to have more followers and, you know, more validation from peers. So it, it kind of goes against where they are right now, developmentally, but the, that that ongoing conversation about, well, here's why, you know, so we can be honest about that. We can say there's some people that they do try to get into groups of kids and here's how they do it. So just, you know, increasing their awareness that this is a thing and it does happen.

Hillary Wilkinson:

it was pointed out to me recently that the friends that we have online are labeled friends, but they're not actually friends. They're digital contacts.

Jessica Speer: (29:49)

Mm-hmm. ,

Hillary Wilkinson: (29:51)

It's a big difference. But kids are so literal that if you call them a friend, they're going to read friend and think friend.

Jessica Speer: (29:59)

Yes.

Hillary Wilkinson: (29:59)

So it, I thought, wow, that was a whole mental flip for me that I had not previously considered. So when we come back, I am going to ask Jessica Speer for her healthy screen habitThe book that you need, if you have a child getting ready for a device or social media is The Phone Book by Jessica Spear. It's available today and I highly recommend it. I think the title's kind of funny, the phone book. 'cause you know, I, I grew up when the phone book was something you sat on, do you know, to give you an extra boost. 

Jessica Speer: (31:01) Me Too , that's why I chose the name. I'm like, I can't not call it the phone book because it has so many meanings. . Exactly,

Hillary Wilkinson: (31:08)

Exactly. This one gives you a different kind of a boost.

Hillary Wilkinson: (31:12)

Okay, Jessica, on every episode of the Healthy Screen Habits podcast, I ask each guest for a healthy screen habit. And this is a tip or takeaway that our listeners can put into practice in their own home.

Jessica Speer: (31:26)

Hmm. Do you

Hillary Wilkinson: (31:27)

Have one?

Jessica Speer: (31:28)

I do. And so I'm gonna go off what we were talking about using our phones and social media as a force for good. And I am a huge advocate for family dinners. So, you know, I, I try at least a few times a week to make sure we as a family all sit down to dinner and, and I usually ask some question just to kind of get conversation going, or I have my kids ask a random question. So one question I'd love to add to your family dinner conversations is go around the table and ask, how have you used your phone as a force for good or social media as a force for good lately? And so just asking that question, and if they haven't, what have you seen? You know, what have you seen that you, that's inspired you where you're seeing phones and social media used as a real positive force? So, so just having that conversation regularly will help us all keep thinking about ways that we can use this tool in positive ways.

Hillary Wilkinson: (32:22)

Yeah, I love that. I think when you approach something from, you know, curiosity, it's always good, but we can learn so much from our kids. My daughter just sent me an account that it's a guy who does a, a good news blip like every, every single day. And I just love it because it is this little feel good thing of, and he talks about what's right. Like what are some environmental things that are going, okay, what species are being taken off of the endangered list, you know, I feel like there's so much that we get, we get hit with a lot of negative stuff. It's just, it's really refreshing to have a good thing.

Jessica Speer: (33:13)

Oh, I love that. You're gonna have to send that to me, Hillary. I need that too.

Hillary Wilkinson: (33:18)

As always, you can find a complete transcript of this episode and a link to any resources discussed, including The Phone Book by visiting the show notes for this episode. So you do this by going to healthyscreenhabits.org, click on the podcast button and scroll to find this episode. Jessica, thank you so much for writing this amazing resource for the superheroes in us all and yourself being heroic

Jessica Speer: (33:59)

Oh, thank you Hillary. And thank you for all you do. It is just, I've, I've, you, I've listened to your podcast so much as I was researching and writing this book, so I appreciate this amazing resource you're putting out