Episode 9: How to Strengthen Tween Girls Before Introducing Social Media // Allie Callister, Becky Fife, and Katie Parker of The Singers Company: I Believe in Me

May 26, 2021

Hosted by Hillary Wilkinson

"The world needs these girls... It needs their unique talents and strengths that they have to share."

- Becky Fife

“I Believe In Me” is an online program designed to give tween girls (11-14 yrs) a carefully crafted step up into their teen years and tech use. Using a theme of gardening to explain self-care and awareness, girls are taught how to build strength through self-awareness and rise above the comparison, criticism, and self-doubt that is rampant when engaging with social media.


Founder and members of the I Believe in Me staff Katie Parker, Becky Fife, and Allie Callister speak about the principles guiding their program and the tools to implement within your own home, all while bringing a whole lot of fun to this episode!


Healthy Screen Habit Takeaway

Healthy Screen Habit Takeaway

For more information on I Believe In Me:


https://www.singerscompany.com/ibelieveinme/


Show Transcript

Hillary Wilkinson (00:00):

Okay. Today I'm sitting down with the creators of a unique program designed specifically for girls aged 11 to 14. The program is called, I Believe In Me. It's mission is to strengthen the confidence of young girls by teaching them to value who they are, how to grow, to be the best version of themselves. They're all moms and I'm thrilled that they could coordinate schedules and all be here today, which is no small feat. So ladies, let's start off by having you each introduce yourself A.: Tell us how many kids you have with their age ranges and give your role within the, I believe in me organization.


Allie, Becky, Katie (00:52):

Yeah. Great. Yeah. My name is Katie Parker. I am CEO of Singers Company, which is the parent company to, I Believe In Me and really the foundation of how it all got started because it shares the same mission. I have six kids and I'm super crazy because my range is two. My youngest just turned two yesterday and my oldest is turning 20 in a few weeks and that's me,Okay. I am Becky Fife and I am also helper on, "I Believe In Me" co-creator and the director of the episodes and the content. I have seven kids and my oldest is 23 and my youngest is seven. So, and he actually forgot his lunch today. So I crazy household, you know, you know how it goes,


Allie, Becky, Katie (02:33):

And I am Allie Callister. I have four kids ranging two to nine. So I'm like in the thick of littles and motherhood. And I kind of do a little bit of everything. At I Believe In Me, I like to refer to myself as the comic relief.


New Speaker (03:03):

We believe at I Believe In Me that strong minds and strong hearts make strong girls, and we need lots of strong girls in this world and this world.


Hillary Wilkinson (03:03):

Fantastic. Katie, what was the reason behind starting I Believe In Me? Like, why did you target this very specific age range of middle school girls?


Allie, Becky, Katie (03:15):

Yes. And you mentioned that it's for girls ages 11 to 14 and it is, and even beyond, but our really targeted audience is, um, 11 and 12 year olds just out of elementary school because, um, at singers company, the mission is to strengthen confidence in young girls specifically in elementary school age. honestly, I would listen to, um, organizations out there and individuals that were raising major awareness about what screen time and social media was doing to these girls and youth's minds and hearts. And my heart would just ache.there was nothing out there that was fighting back against the staggering mine numbers, statistics that were coming out of what, what media was doing to the, our youth. And so I began to lose a little sleep at night, going what I've got to do something, especially with these girls. We know how to strengthen girls.


Allie, Becky, Katie (05:10):

I know we know how to continue the strength and it came as soon. Sorry, I don't mean to get emotional, but as soon as my mind went there, all the ideas just came and the approach that we would take, and it would not be tools of singing and dancing, but we would focus on singing and dancing through life. How do we do that? And with these 11 and 12 year olds, they want to know, they're excited for the next phase! They want to know about hair and makeup. And they're kind of a little excited about social media too, and that's okay, but how do we prepare them? So when those things come into what we're going to talk more about their garden of life, giving them the tools and the confidence to use those tools and recognize when to use them. So that's when I Believe In Me was born, we knew we could strengthen them. And now with the inspiration that has come and the ideas and the creativity of creating this program, we are so confident in the feedback. We've gotten already that this is it. This is the punch back against those staggering, horrible statistics. This is the tool. These are the tools that these girls need to give them strength and help them have a fun and happy life.


Hillary Wilkinson (06:30):

I love it. And I, and I love the passion behind it. Don't ever don't ever apologize for the emotion because it means you're speaking from the heart. And I think that, you know, it's only in things that we feel very deeply, that that level of emotion comes out. So don't ever apologize for that.


Allie, Becky, Katie (06:52):

Thank you, I appreciate that cause I get pretty excited and passionate.


Hillary Wilkinson (06:54):

Oh, I, well, I understand. I understand completely. Oh, okay. So I, I love the imagery that you provide with talking about the garden. And it's very easy to kind of visualize these little sprouts that may have started in the singers company with, like you said, these earlier little, I th I'm thinking (I'm a gardener.) So I think of like, starting, when you're starting things from seed, you have these little coteledons that come up and they start growing. But if you put them right outside, they'll go into shock. So you typically do want like a covered area or some like a safe place for them to get their get a little of their own like strength up. So can you tell me, you knowing that that's kind of your basis, can you, what makes your guys' program at I Believe In Me different from other self-esteem or like girls club type programs out there?


Allie, Becky, Katie (07:53):

So we've, we think that there's nothing else like this out there. There's nothing. When we looked at resources for preteen girls and programs, um, that would help them kind of navigate that this time in their life. There was that the pickings were very slim. Let's say that. and we wanted these girls to feel good about themselves. We wanted them to go to a place, to an outlet where they felt needed and loved. And we wanted them to focus on growth. And this world needs these, the world needs these girls. It needs their unique talents and their strengths that they have to share. We emphasize so much at I Believe In Me that every individual garden is beautiful and different. Just like these girls. We want them to find their own kind of beauty. We want them to be who they really are. And by doing that, we give them, or in order to accomplish that, we give them what we call garden tools. So they're like: No Dirt Days, Routines Are The Roots, Be The Sunshine, Soil Checks, all of these things that kind of have to deal with this garden imagery of growing. Like Katie said, growing our garden of life. Um, and these things that we're teaching them, they will remember forever. It makes this imagery of the garden.


Allie, Becky, Katie (09:39):

And that is exactly like that is our mission to help these girls grow into a beauty, to have a beautiful garden of life, but let them know that it's okay. It's okay to be different. It's okay. And it's beautiful to be who you want to be and where you want to be in life. And I think that's the biggest thing that sets us apart is that there's a whole lot of sunshine. There's a whole lot of tools and there's a whole lot of just happiness that we provide at I Believe In Me. Um, we do talk about clouds because there are storm clouds that come into life. We touch on those.


Hillary Wilkinson (10:47):

I love it. And I love that. Uh, you recognize that these are lessons that we know teaching specifically this age group. This is kind of a secret of middle school teachers that not a lot of people. I think outside of that realm, um, necessarily know. And that's that: Because of what we know about the neurobiology that's happening during those ages of puberty and the amount of what's called neural pruning happening during that time, the lessons in values that are created during this window of time are huge and they are lifelong and reaching. And so you guys are truly effecting many more stories than you can know. It's not just, it's not just the, the flower in front of you that you're effecting. It's many more stories to come. So that's beautiful.


Allie, Becky, Katie (11:45):

And I think too Hillary really quick, like another reason why we focused on middle schoolers, because I mean, middle school is hard, right? We think back to our own experiences and it's awkward and friendship drama, and there's so much unsure self-esteem issues going on, but it is that magical time where it doesn't have to be awkward. It doesn't have to be, this time in our lives where you don't feel like you fit in, or so these girls are in that little transition, like you said, middle school has that transition of where there's, they still want to know. They still want to soak in things. And they're going to plant seeds now that they will, like, bloom later. This is a very powerful, it's a really powerful time where they're not too smart for us yet. You know, they still want to listen. They, they they're eager to learn. And we we've got to teach them at this really special part because truly the habits and things they create now, they will carry on, for the rest of their life. So it's that very special window.


Hillary Wilkinson (12:52):

I love that you're speaking directly about tools because when we come back, I'm going to ask you specifically about the tools that the, I Believe In Me program teaches, but first we need to take a little break.


Ad Break


Hillary Wilkinson (13:45):

Today, I speaking with the leaders of, I Believe In Me, a program tailored for girls ages 11 to 14. So knowing that you have a very targeted, very specific audience for your program, does your program have space for a child that identifies as a girl?


Allie, Becky, Katie (14:13):

Absolutely. If they just know that it is targeted towards girls and it's very girly and a girly way, but the tools, the tools can be used. Anyone they tools apply to anyone almost at any age. So if you have a boy that maybe might identify as a girl, that we welcome, that we absolutely welcome that. Um, if he is a very, um, it, but just know that that's the approach we take. So, you know, as they go through the program, take those tools that maybe the way it's presented, you can laugh and check a lot, right?


Hillary Wilkinson (14:48):

Okay. Before the break, I said, I would specifically ask about some of the tools or skills that I Believe In Me teaches. And this is important because like with trying to change any behavior, we know if we just simply take away the screens without providing another thing to take their place. Well, resistance is, is quite likely. And if we have kids who are not having an issue with an overuse of technology already, the tools that you guys teach, help build competencies and a super strong foundation that can maybe help them navigate the online world. So what are the types of tools or experiences that someone who subscribes to the program can look forward to?


Allie, Becky, Katie (16:36):

One of the first things on the very first episodes is we talk about the most important component for growth in a garden, which is a, do you know, as a gardener is healthy soil, it starts with the soil. So you must have healthy soil to grow. And so in, I Believe In Me, our soil equates to our minds and our hearts. And so we talk about that all the time throughout all the episodes, as a girl logs in each week and watches these episodes. Um, she's thinking about her soil. We're talking about how things apply to and what her mind and heart, how there, how she's perceiving things and digesting things and what that means in the growth and for growth or for not for, you know, for like things dying in her garden. She's always like balancing both, and checking in on her soil, which brings us to one of our key tools that we teach is regarding our soil. We call it: soil checks. Our episodes are about 12 to 15 minutes each. And in a soil check, we ask two questions and we teach this to the girls, how is my heart feeling? And does this make sense in my mind for my age and for my garden?


Hillary Wilkinson (18:13):

This you're just teaching them how to build that internal filter. You're really speaking to building that.


Allie, Becky, Katie (18:32):

Yes. And what are we going to allow in our garden gate and realizing that we have the power. And so Becky describe, um, take it to the next level with soil check. So when we perform these soil checks, not only is that the first tool, but then what? You know, what happens when we listen to our mind and our heart and something doesn't feel quite right? Well, we find like the quality and health of these girls' soil really affects everything that they do in life, right? And so our minds and our hearts, they're constantly in, directly affected by screen and social media use. And we find, um, as we come across social media and technology with the soil approach that we're teaching these girls, it's easier for the girls to understand the impact it can have on them and how they need to be careful and prepared when they let these things in their garden gate, like so that they can decipher. They can have that internal compass of, okay, what is real, what is fake? What seeds are worth planting and what needs to be weeded out, right?


Hillary Wilkinson (19:37):

When needs to be fertilized versus what needs to be pulled.


Allie, Becky, Katie (19:41):

So, so we really want them to understand that they control what comes in their garden gate. Like they're the master gardener, right? They have the power to unsubscribe or unfollow. If something's making them feel like, you know, a little icky, um, we try to help them recognize like real heroes versus what they might see online, like fake heroes and how to find confidence in who they are by working hard in school and their interests, not by copying what they might see, you know? Um, and we also help them learn how to manage their time. Like set timers for media use, have a purpose when you text, putting the phone away in a drawer when you do homework and not basing your worth on what you see and so forth, you know, there's lots of ways that this social media can affect them. And we want them to have a healthy relationship because it's not going away, but they've got to learn how to decipher what their minds and their hearts are telling them when they're involved on social media. Right?


Hillary Wilkinson (20:43):

Right. So knowing that social media can really a number on these developing brains and girl's self-image, you are saying that within your program, you address these screen concerns specifically.


Allie, Becky, Katie (20:56):

Yes. Yes. We have a lot of episodes that are, it's called soil checks. It's like girls, we're checking in with your hearts and your minds right now, these are the situations that can come up. This is what you have to listen to. And you get to decide, you get to decide what is worthy of going in your garden? What are you going to keep? What are you going to plant? . And as far as social media goes, we actually like coach them into stay away as long as possible. Like this is, this is not the time of your life to be really diving deep, into being online. Like, and even on our program. Yes. We're an online program, but our episodes are short. We want to, and it's called planting the seeds. So you wa you come, we, we, you know, we provide and like introduce this new little tip or tool and then you go grow in your garden. You go get busy. And so, um, and so that's, if you ask us about social media, we say, stay very far away. Yeah.


Hillary Wilkinson (22:09):

That is greatly aligned with what we teach at healthy screen habits.


Allie, Becky, Katie (22:15):

Yeah. It's kind of cool because in one of our episodes, we actually say, girls, we give you permission to hold off. We give you permission to not participate in these things. You can do that. Like, we're trying to give them that, like the pressure off, take the pressure off. Oh, I don't have to be part of tick-tock. I don't have to have a screen on, you know, and be on line connected..... Like girls it's okay. We're giving you permission. Put it off, pulled off. In fact, we even described to them, you're going to grow and be happier without that. So you need to establish that garden and put those roots down deep before you welcome that into your garden, but it's okay. It's okay to be excited about it. It's okay to want it in there. It's probably going to be in there in your life for sure. It's the way the world operates, but let's get established. Let's get those roots deeper and those things. So you can feel the difference. You can feel the difference of your soil. You know, if your mind starts to fill in your heart, starts to hurt a little bit after you've been online or on an app or on your screen too long, you'll recognize that.


Allie, Becky, Katie (23:23):

Right. Or if you're grumpy, like, like some of these kids get off their screens or get off, you know, and they're grumpy, they're treating their family poorly. They're cause they're feeling bad about themselves. So they lash out. It's like, Oh, that's a signal. That is, that is not what we want in our garden. Right.


Hillary Wilkinson (23:41):

I love how you're teaching all of this. Self-regulation this being aware and mindful of your, your own... Um, like I said, like emotional state, I think that's so important.


Allie, Becky, Katie (24:31):

There's also monthly interactive episodes called how's it growing where, um, it's an interactive one with us and with the girls. And we just talk about how's it going and how they've incorporated these garden tools and color life.


Hillary Wilkinson (24:31):

So you guys actually dialogue with the girls? It's not just one way?


Allie, Becky, Katie (24:31):

No, not at all. We get to see their faces on the zoom and it's just so cute. They're just cute. And in fact, and they share with us like experiences they're having and, and some girls will kind of say, well, how I had this experience, what should I do? Or how should I go about this? And then the other girls chime in and just the cutest thing. And they're like, and they are so wise. And the things we're sharing are sinking in. I mean, that's what we were. We just held one this last week. And we afterwards, I mean, our jaws were dropping about how they're taking these garden tools and using them and suggesting them to their peers within this format.


Hillary Wilkinson (24:31):

Do you have one thing that I feel like we have so many points that you've covered and now I'm asking you just for one thing, which seems unfair....I'm sorry.


Hillary Wilkinson (24:31):

Do you have one thing that you wish you could tell every parent of a middle school age girl, or, I mean, if there was one message that you could give, do you, could you boil that down or is that too big of a question?


Allie, Becky, Katie:

Well, I think it's what we tell the girls in the first episode, right? Ladies, that they are a girl, they are a girl with gifts to grow and share and that they, they are enough just how they are and they're beautiful the way they are. And Becky has come up, Becky share your analogy that we use a lot, which is perfect. Oh, well, cause you know, we talk about these girls and them wanting to maybe "be like their friends" and, and kind of fit in and blend. And we were talking one day and we're like, you know, if you were to walk into the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City and the same painting was on every single wall, it would be a really boring museum, right? Like who wants to look at the same painting and the, in that huge museum. So to bring out what these girls have individually with what they, the talents they have and the growth that they can take forth, we just have to make them realize that their enough exactly as they are to listen to that inner compass, their, their minds and their hearts, and to grow into who they're supposed to be bloom into their own flower because a bouquet of flowers is it's  beautiful when they're all different. Right?


Hillary Wilkinson (24:41):

Right - on every episode of the Healthy Screen Habits Podcast, I ask for a healthy screen habit that our listeners can put into practice in their own home. Do you guys have one?


Allie, Becky, Katie (24:41):

Oh, we have so many buts, but the one that really applies, I believe to what you guys are trying to do and make aware, um, of screen time and online habits, um, is called three strikes. You're out. And so this is where, um, as you're performing a soil check, you're asking your questions while you're online. Like, Oh wait, my heart's starting to feel a little off. And I'm starting, it's starting to hurt a little bit. When you have those situations, whether it's with friends, whether it's on an app, whether it's on, you know, a certain account that you follow when those signals come in. Um, and if they come in three times within a given period, that means three strikes. You're out. You need to stop following that account. You need to get out of there.


Allie, Becky, Katie (24:41):

You maybe can't be friends with that person anymore because of that, maybe remove yourself from situations because it's not helping your garden.Things are starting to wilt. And I like, I love that. We teach the girls that because so many of their surroundings, the world, their friends, are telling them no, it's okay to watch that. It's okay to be like this. It's okay to act like this or whatever might be. Um, and in terms of a screen, they might just keep pushing it aside. So they meet with three strikes. You're out, everybody knows the saying. Everybody loves baseball. You know, it's something that is so, um, common in their everyday life that they kind of like, Oh three strikes. You're out.


Allie, Becky, Katie (24:41):

Well I've, I haven't felt good when I've, when I've seen this on Instagram or when I've watched something on Tik TOK. So I have two more times and then I'm done.


Hillary Wilkinson (24:41):

If our listeners want to find out more about the, I Believe In Me program, what's the best way that they can find you?


Allie, Becky, Katie (24:41):

I would say if their mom's on Instagram, here we go pointing them to Instagram, but it's not for the girls. I mean, like we know are the information is like an encyclopedia for us on Instagram. If someone wants to know about our program and their mom is already on Instagram, a very easy way to find out about the program, right. And then they can also go to Singers Company.com and there's lot, right from that website. You'll see it right away. You'll see the middle-school program, the big flower that comes. And you just click on that and that will tell you.


Hillary Wilkinson (24:41):

And we will link all of that in the show notes. So our listeners can, can find our show notes on our website@healthyscreenhabits.org, click on podcast and the dropdown menu and find the episode nine. Okay. Thank you.


Allie, Becky, Katie (24:41):

Yes, we sure loved it.



About the podcast host, Hillary Wilkinson


Hillary found the need to take a big look at technology when her children began asking for their own devices. Quickly overwhelmed, she found that the hard and fast rules in other areas of life became difficult to uphold in the digital world. As a teacher and a mom of 2 teens, Hillary believes the key to healthy screen habits lies in empowering our kids through education and awareness. 


Parenting is hard. Technology can make it tricky. Hillary uses this podcast to help bring these areas together to help all families create healthy screen habits.


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